Wednesday. 8 August 2007. First day on the school bus. Mummy's heart was racing and a little scared. Caleb waited, excitedly.
Caleb got a new Thomas backpack to celebrate this big step. Plus it had the lunchpack hinged to the front, easy to keep together. Can you see how weighted down the huge bag is on his little body? The bag is near empty, his lunchpack is chockas with food.
Anyway, the bus turns up, the close it got up the driveway, the more Caleb started to worry. I helped the driver, lovely lass called Lynette, install the carseat. When it was time for Thomas backpack and monkey to get on the bus, Caleb decided this was a bad idea and turned and headed for the house. Uh-oh.
I carried (he cuddled) him and we got on the bus together. By this stage I realised I was a damn idiot to think I could actually get decent photos of this new adventure. My heart started to melt as I had to hold him in his seat to do up the belt. He was unsure of what was happening, new people were in the bus, hadn't met the driver or carer before, all too much for a little boy. I said I would wait beside the bus and wave and gave him monkey to cuddle. He sat right next to the window and would have had a great view. I love you Caleb, and off I went to wave. Ok, I had to leave because I was about to burst into tears and didn't want him to see me upset. I wanted him to know that this was all good and fun and a new adventure. I stood and waved, tears welling. Bye bye bus. Bye Caleb, have a nice day at little school.
I walked inside, and sobbed so hard. I felt I couldn't cry hard enough for the mixed feelings I had inside. Tears and snot were flowing fast, my body shook and I felt sick. Have I done the right thing. Adrian gave me big hug and said he would be right, he is a big boy. Noooo, he is only threeeeeeee I sobbed.
I had these similar doubts and feelings of guilt and agony, missing my child and wanting to hold him again, when he had his first day of little school. His tears makes it harder for me, my only want is for my children to be happy and loved and safe. It took 2 weeks of little school for my boy to do a 180 and love it. He has started to run inside to see the teachers and his new friends. I think the same will happen with the bus. I need to give it time, for his sake and for mine.
His teacher rang me about 8.45am. They are very nice and very caring, and knew I was feeling a little hesitant and protective and scared. I was given an update: he settled down well on the bus, the carer sat next to him the entire way. When he got to little school, he was happy to see his teacher. They meet downstairs where the bus comes in and the teacher takes them to their class room. He was happy in his room and had a wonderful day. He didn't show any signs of anxiety about returning to the bus. All very nice news to hear.
Zali and I waited on the front lawn for the bus to come home. I was so excited to hear the bus (if I could have taken my own photo of excitedly waiting for the bus, like Caleb was this morning, I woulda!) and waved. The windows are very darkly tinted, however I thought there was little movement from his seat and wondered if he was asleep. Yep. His teacher put him on the bus, and sat with him while they loaded up the other children. He was asleep shortly after the journey began.
He was relieved to see me, but a little cranky cause he was woken up. We sat together and had some cuddles and watched Hi-5.
For the entire day I felt sick and had a killer headache. It is tough being a parent, but I love my job thoroughly.
Tonight when I read Caleb his stories in bed, we talked about the bus trip in the morning to little school. He seemed happy. Fingers crossed it is a smidge bit easier than yesterday. Adrian is away for work, so I will have no soft place to fall when I melt again. I will try and be strong.
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