Can You Beat This?

I swear my day could be made into a comedy. It must be funny, in a few days, I hope I will laugh. Now, well, I am a tool.

This morning was ok. All things went normal and I enjoyed a fun morning with Caleb at Little School. The parents visited and had morning tea, as well as playing and watching and learning what the kids got up too. They have so much fun, no wonder Caleb loves to go. They all love the Yakka Yakka room. A big black room, air conditioned, filled with a pool of coloured balls, a climbing wall, jumping mattresses and jungle jim and slide. They went nuts. I think all the mum’s wanted one at home to use before nap time.

I did some Christmas tasks and watched a bit of Oprah. Caleb came home and we left to get Zali. Here it starts.

On the way over to check our mailbox, I realised I had left my house keys in. the. house. In the car was Caleb, Grandma and I, so I couldn’t use Grandma’s keys either. Picked up Zali at kindy and went I tried to start the car, it wouldn’t. Great, I thought, locked out of our house and car broken. I tried a few times and she wouldn’t tick over. I let the red beast rest for a while, on the fifth (and last before I called the RACQ chaps) attempt she ticked over. Thank. The. Lord. Caleb sitting in the back saying where is the battery? Why? When are we going? Why? Shut the door Grandma, let’s go! Why?

We went through the McDonald’s drive-thru (because we couldn't turn the car off) and took some dinner home. Sitting on the back verandah we ate dinner and fended off the mozzies the best we could. Zali started to drink the sweet and sour sauce instead of eating chicken nuggets, and by this stage I didn’t really care. Surely something that is sweet and sour should contain nearly five food groups?

Forgot to mention there were kiddie size ice-creams on the way home. Well, I think they ate some, the majority seemed to be on their clothes, the seat belts, their hands, rubbed into her legs and up their nose. To clean them up (we had no wipes, clothes or anything else useful) we had to use two serviettes. One for each messy kid. Of course the next problem is I am busting to use the toilet. No possible way I could wait. I had to go to the side of the house and ‘go’ near the wall. Like a three year old. Like I tell Caleb to. And use the serviette in lieu of a sophisticated product like toilet paper, the ice cream serviette that is. Could you imagine how *fun* this was?

Did I tell you I also had a big headache and would have sold a limb for a couple of Panadol?

Caleb had to wee, no problems, he runs off to the fence to assume his usual afternoon wee position. A few minutes later he had to, erm, do something nastier than wee. Oh. Lord. Off to the side of the house we go. He drops his load and says ‘whoa, big poo!’ Yep. Actually at this point I was laughing so hard I had tears. Could this afternoon get any worse. Thankfully we have a big fence. What would you have thought walking past someone’s house and they are poohing in the yard, do we have any standards of personal hygiene? I wanted to yell out ‘we are locked out of our house!’, just in case anyone saw us. Back to the situation and the fact we have no toilet paper. Grandma fishes through the pram and finds a couple of tissues, a small girl’s nappy and one nappy sack. Again, thank-the-lord! Least he could be cleaned and I could dispose of the evidence.

Five minutes later Adrian arrives home from work. It felt like we were being rescued by the Australian Navy from the deserted island, it was *such* a relief.

The kids had a bath, I had my Panadol and now we all need a comfy chair. Bugger, I better go and call my mechanic. Fingers crossed he can come in the morning.